I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize