two words: eviction party
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize