Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
