Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize