I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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