She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You took a bar mat shot.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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