the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
