Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tell her she can't have a vagina
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize