No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
