YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
