Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
