so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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