May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
