do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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