watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
