Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I cut my penus on the lid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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