I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
