I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
