did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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