Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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