if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
