dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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