Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
