I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
