I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
