so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
