Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
