Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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