Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im six kinds of drunk right now
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
