Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
