you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
