I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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