Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
