just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
