We named our party play list daddy issues
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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