Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize