Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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