How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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