I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
