Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
worst night to have a conscience
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
