Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
