I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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