Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
