she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
