we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize