your thong is hanging out like whoa
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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