I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
