I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
