dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
