Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
