I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
