I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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