I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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