We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'd cum for enchiladas.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
