He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize