Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
