you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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