I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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