After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
