just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize