this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
