Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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