I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
