I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize