you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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