I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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