Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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